Caregiver Humor: Jokes About Getting Older
Whether it be you or someone you are taking care of, we can all find humor in these jokes about aging and getting older. After all, laughter is known to be the best medicine. Just keep in mind that these are all in good taste and are not meant to offend anyone.
You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. -Bob Hope
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. -Billy Crystal
I'm not keen on taking pills, so when my doctor gave me a prescription to lower my blood pressure, I asked him if there were any side effects. "Yes," he said, "Longevity." -Bella Kelly
Though I often pride myself on appearing younger than my 59 years, I had a reality check when I brought my mother back to the nursing home after a visit with us. As I struggled with her suitcases, two elderly gentlemen held the door open for me. "We hope you will be very happy here," one of them said to me. -Marion Clouse
To celebrate my retirement, my wife and I dined with a friend we hadn't seen in years. The next day he sent us an e-mail that included (I hope) an honest mistake: "How wonderful it was to see you both aging." -Lawrence Dunham
Here's one way of making sure a sales promotion won't bankrupt your business. A sign in a local barbershop read "We offer senior-citizen discounts. Must be at least 80 years old and accompanied by a parent." -Robert McGrory
Not long after my grandfather bought my grandmother a pair of powerful (and expensive) hearing aids, Grandma accidently washed her wair with them in. "Oh great," she said to me. "If your grandfather finds out that I damaged these hearing aids, I'll never hear the end of it." -Jere Sandberg
I recently ran into the woman who used to clean our house and was surprised to hear that she was still at it despite her advanced age. "How do you manage it?" I asked. She explained her secret: "I just keep clients who can't see the dirt any better than I can." -Malcolm Campbell
How can you tell you're getting old? You go to an antiques auction and three people bid on you. -Anonymous
A couple are getting ready for bed after a long day's work. "I look in the mirror, and I see an old lady," the woman says to her husband. "My face is all wrinkled, and I'm sagging and bagging all over. And look at this flab on my arms." Her husband is silent. "Hey!" she says, turning to him. "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself." "Well," he says, "your eyesight is still great." -Jeffrey Raiffe
Feeling listless, I bought some expensive "brain-stimulating" pills at the health-food store. But it wasn't until I got home that I read the label. "This is just rosemary extract," I complained to my husband. "I can't believe I spent all that money for something that I have growing like wild in the yard!" "See?" he said. "You're smarter already." -Susanne Higbee
The antiaging ad that I'd like to see is a baby covered in cream, saying, "Ah! I've used too much!" -Comic Andrew Bird
A nurse friend of mine took a 104-year-old patient for a walk in the hospital corridor. When she got him back to his room and sat him down, he took a deep breath and announced, "That was great! I don't feel a day over 100!" -Mary Cipollone
A neighborhood photography studio offered a special that few could resist. The sign read: Now shooting seniors for free. -Linda Cantrell
We invite grandparents to a special day at our school, culminating in a photo op with grandparent and grandchild posing in front of a colorful display from a history class. Only after the last shot was snapped did we notice what appeared above each grandparent's head: a banner screaming, "Discover the Ancient World." -Debbie Wooster Miller
I heard an older woman complain about her aches. But her friend one-upped her: I woke up this morning and thought I was dead because nothing hurt." -Nancy Kunkel
Even at age 88, my mother was vain about her looks. At a party an old friend exclaimed, "Edith, you haven't changed in 20 years!" "Oh," said Mom, horrified. "I hope I didn't look like this 20 years ago." -Jim Brading
I'm bald--well, balding. I like to say "balding" because it sounds more productive. And I don't like to say I'm losing my hair, because that makes it sound like had I been more responsible, this wouldn't have happened. "Where's your hair?" "I lost it. You know me. Where are my keys?" -Isaac Witty
The woman in front of me at the motor vehicles office was taking the eye test, first with her glasses on, then off. "Here's your license," the examiner said when she was done. "But there's a restriction. You need to wear glasses to drive your car." "Honey," the woman declared, "I need them to find my car." -Nicole Haake
Some of us took our friend, an older woman, out to lunch to celebrate her birthday. When the waitress came to take our order, one of the women told her, "This is a special occasion. Elsie is 92 today." The waitress made seven instant enemies and one friend by asking, "Which one is Elsie?" -Anonymous
Two neighbors appeared in court, each woman accusing the other of causing trouble in their building. "Let's get to the evidence," the judge said in an effort to end their bickering. "I'll hear the oldest woman first." The case was dismissed for lack of testimony. -Anonymous
An elderly couple with memory problems are advised by their doctor to write notes to help them remember things. One evening, while watching TV, the wife asks her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. "Sure," he says. "Write it down," she suggests. "No," he says. "I can remember a simple thing like that." "I also want strawberries and whipped cream," she says. "Write it down" "I don't need to write it down," he insists, heading to the kitchen. Twenty minutes later he returns, bearing a plate of bacon and scrambled eggs. "I told you to write it down!" his wife says. "I wanted fried eggs!" -Wendy Levine
Joe was the type who loved to talk about the good old days. At a movie, he told the girl who handed him his five-dollar ticket, "I can remember when a movie ticket was only fifteen cents." "You're really going to enjoy this movie then, sir," said the ticket girl. "We have sound now." -Ed Fischer
What do you call a 50-year-old man with no gray hair? Bald -P. D. Witte
The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy. -Anonymous
At my age, happy hour is nap time. -Carol Lynn Pearson
Lying about my age is easier now that I often forget what it is. -Carol Lynn Pearson
You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it. -Joan Rivers
Two bats are hanging upside on their tree. One asks the other, "what do you fear most about old age?" The other one says, "INCONTINENCE!" -unknown
An old man was sitting on the examining table in the doctor’s office having his hearing checked.
The doctor poked his light scope in the old man’s ear and said, “Hey, you have a suppository in your ear!”
“Rats,” said the old man. “Now I know where my hearing aid went.” -unknown
They say you're as old as you feel...I think I must be an exhumed mummy. -unknown
Sign on office coffee maker: Don't complain about our coffee. You'll be old and weak yourself someday. -Management
Gray hair is God's grafitti. -Bill Cosby
I've reached the age where looking in the mirror is like checking the news. I know there'll be some new developments I won't like. -Koushiki Biswas
The older you get, the more you need to keep a fire extinguisher close to the cake. -unknown
“This is your great-grandma and great grandpa,” I told my grandson as I handed him a photo of my parents. “Do you think I look like them?” He shook his head. “Not yet.” -unknown
After my 91-year-old mother finished having her hair cut and shaped, the stylist announced, “There, now you look ten years younger.” My mother, unimpressed, replied, “Who wants to look 81 years old?” -unknown
Three old guys are out walking.. First one says,"Windy, isn’t it?" Second one says, "No, it’s Thursday!" Third one says, "So am I. Let’s go get a beer." -unknown
Reporter interviewing a 100-year-old woman: "What do you think is the best thing about being 100?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure." -Sylvia Shiner
Two old men in a retirement village were sitting in the reading room and one said to the other, "How do you really feel? I mean, you’re 72 years old, how do you honestly feel?" "Honestly, I feel like a new born baby. I’ve got no hair, no teeth, and I just wet myself." -unknown
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!” ”Heck”,said Herman, “It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!” -unknown
While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi. “It’s taped under the modem,” I told him. After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, “Am I spelling this right? T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M?” -Sharon McGinley
“What’s a hipster?” asked my four-year-old cousin. “Someone who will wear something just to look different,” I said. “They’ll often buy clothes in thrift shops and wear thick glasses.” “Is Grandma a hipster?” he asked. -Eyesha Sadiq
I’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. -Andy Rooney
The elderly grandma always talked to the hens whenever she fed them. One day, her grandson asked, "Grandma, why do you talk to the chickens?" "I'm just trying to egg them on." -Sally Painter
If you're 65 years old on Earth, you'd be only about 35 on Mars. You're not getting old; you're just on the wrong planet. -Anonymous
Do you have any good jokes about getting older? Share them in the comments down below. Just make sure to keep it clean and friendly.
From Caregiver Humor: Jokes About Getting Older to Home
References:
https://www.rd.com/jokes/old-age/
http://www.greatcleanjokes.com/jokes/senior-jokes/old-people-jokes/
https://top-funny-jokes.com/old-people-jokes/
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