Nurse and Medical Field Humor
Whether you are a nurse or just someone who works in the healthcare industry in general, we can all find humor in these sayings about working in the medical field. After all, laughter is known to be the best medicine. Just keep in mind that these are all in good taste and are not meant to offend anyone.
Feel free to share these laughs with your friends and coworkers. I will add more to this list so check back often.
Long Gross Said Sarcasm Job Struggle School Meds Misc Ref
Long Hours
You think Mondays are bad? Try working weekends, holidays, and 12 hour nights!
Yes, I only work 3 days a week. Please try and tell me how easy my job is.
Hey, stop saying you are so glad for the weekend. Some of us still have to work.
I overheard someone saying they worked "a whole eight hours today" and wondered...where can I get a job where I work half days?
Why yes I do marathons. They are called 12+ hour nursing shift run thrice weekly.
Most people dream of huge houses, nice cars, and vacations. Not us. We dream of normal work hours and a regular sleep schedule.
People that work weekends are tired of hearing how happy you are that it's Friday.
If you love someone, let them sleep.
Looking at the summer calendar, I may be able to schedule about 2.5 seconds of "free" time on August 30th.
Gross Out
Remember, I work in the medical field. This story needs to be really good to gross me out.
Tried to go a whole day without talking about bowels. Failed.
Showering won't be enough after today, I'll need to be autoclaved.
I'm considering changing my job title. How does "Bowel Movement Supervisor" sound?
You'll be moving your bowels again in no time.
Nursing. Where else can you experience the thrill of watching total strangers poop in front of you like it was totally your business?
You know you work in healthcare when you can discuss puke and bowel movements at the lunch table and no one flinches.
Laughter is the best medicine...except for treating diarrhea...
Congratulations on your long awaited bowel movement!
I just farted in your room, and the doctor thinks you're now ready for solids.
Sometimes I have to remind myself around my non nurse friends not to talk about bodily functions.
Why yes, my friends and I will ruin a perfectly good conversation with gross stories from work. You should be used to it by now.
I miss you like an elderly man's urine stream misses the toilet.
For all of the Nurses who have had to disimpact a patient: YES, you are going to Heaven.
Nurses can diagnose DKA, c diff, and a GI bleed with their noses before entering a patient's room. Not all superpowers are glamorous.
May your cup runneth over, unless it's that urine specimen cup you're trying to hand me.
Said No Nurse Ever
"Gee, I wish I could work more weekends, holidays, and odd shifts" said no nurse ever.
"I love my soft, smooth hands and perfectly manicured nails," said no nurse ever.
I love the full moon! Said no nurse ever.
I got to pee three times today! Said no nurse ever.
Living the dream! Said no night shift nurse ever.
Sarcasm
I've been a nurse for so long that I triage my laundry and have decided that none of it requires my immediate attention.
Just because I'm a nurse, doesn't mean I'm rich.
Yes, I am a nurse. No, I don't want to look at it.
My love for you burns stronger than my urinary tract infection.
Yes, I charted that I charted what I previously charted. Wait, hold on, I have to chart that I told you about my charting.
ER Triage...The only place where the RN knows that a patient's c/c of "Sea Roaches of the Liver" actually means "Cirrhosis of the Liver."
You can't fix crazy. All you can do is document it.
I'm not judgmental. I just have excellent assessment skills.
I love how coffee tricks me into thinking I'm in a good mood for about 29 minutes.
Me, a morning person? Pfft. Most days I'm not even an afternoon person.
On a scale of 0 to stepping on a Lego, how much pain are you in?
Don't flatter yourself. I was just looking at your veins.
Your Job is Hard?
I battle with the angel of death 36 hours a week. What do you do for a living?
Oh you had a bad day? Let me tell you about the catheter I couldn't get in, the guy who threw up on me, and the patient who died. The life of a nurse.
I wear bodily fluids that aren't mine, I work weekends and holidays, I get screamed at and have my hands in other peoples orifices. Tell me again how hard you work?
They say you should walk a mile in someone else's shoes. I'm a nurse, so you'd be walking a lot further than that.
I'm a nurse, we don't get snow days.
I daily risk dirty needle sticks, assaults, and being sued. Now tell me again why you should get paid more to make sure people's fries are golden brown?
Multiple traumas, a unit full of ventilators, and patients trying to die on me all day...I'm sorry, what were you saying about your busy day with the stapler?
Remember when nurses, teachers, firefighters, and municipal workers crashed the economy and took billions in bonuses and bailouts? No? Me either.
The Struggle is Real
Sometimes, my greatest accomplishment is just keeping my mouth shut.
It was a great shift...until I took that last phone call and all hell broke loose.
I wonder how much doctors and hospital administrators would enjoy their jobs if Nurses quit doing theirs.
As I lay here thinking of what needs to be done, I just want to lay here and cry.
Naked elderly people, flying bodily fluids, and dodging fists? I can't think of any other way I'd rather spend 36 hours of my week.
The only chance I got to sit down today was on the toilet.
Nurses eat their young you say? False. Nurses do not eat anything for 8-12 hours at a time.
I have owned over a million bobby pins and hair ties in my lifetime. Do you want to know how many I have now? Maybe 5.
Looking like I'm doing the Macarena every time I look for my pen at work.
Nurses, let's celebrate our ability to hold in our pee for 10 hours.
Motherhood and Nursing. Two of the most thankless careers in the world and I chose them both.
The hardest part of my job is that people want me to answer questions and know things at 7 am.
If you ever want to get punched in the throat by a Nurse, say the words "It sure is quiet around here" in the middle of the shift.
Sometimes I sit quietly and wonder why I am not in a mental asylum. Then I take a good look around at everyone and realize...maybe I already am.
I am not anxious. I am just extremely well educated about all the things that can go catastrophically wrong.
Feeling a tiny itch in your mask and then swearing you have a bunch of little bugs crawling all over you just because you can't scratch it. Sterility, awesome.
You know you're a Nurse, when you've eaten applesauce and graham crackers for lunch...from your medcart...because you're busy...
Nursing School
Since I started nursing school, I get less sleep at night than you get during a nap.
Although that answer is right...It is not the best answer...Nursing School...
"Nursing school made me realize how well I handle stress" Said no one ever.
How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. It's delegated to the nursing student.
Let's start off this semester prepared, optimistic, and well organized only for everything to go downhill by week two.
For my presentation today, I'll be reading the PowerPoint slides word for word.
Nothing makes me more productive than the last minute.
Billy has 32 candy bars. He eats 28. What does he have now? Diabetes. Billy has diabetes.
I love "Select all that apply" test questions, said no nursing student ever.
Everyone's going to the beach, to the bar, working out, and partying...I'm just over here trying to pass Nursing school and not get fat.
Hey look! It's a picture of my social life during Nursing School!
I can't be required to face a new semester until I've gotten over the emotional and psychological damage of the last one.
I just love how people try to compare nursing school with, oh I don't know, ANY other major! They have NO idea!
"I'm so excited for clinical this morning." Said no nursing student ever.
Medications
Coffee PO Q2 PRN for lethargy
Chocolate PO Q2 PRN for agitation
I'm inventing a new time clock for work. When you swipe your badge, a Valium pops out.
Laughter is not the best medicine, Propofol is.
It's days like today that make me wish they made a Flintstone's Chewable Morphine.
Nursing is all about give and take. That's why I give you 2 mg of Ativan while I take 2 shots of Espresso.
As a nurse, my drug of choice is caffeine.
On a scale of 0 to 10, how bad do you need coffee?
Coffee doesn't ask questions, coffee understands.
Miscellaneous
Nurse life: Go ahead and eat that piece of cake, your scrubs will hide it, but your jeans won't.
Don't judge me because I am already in my PJ's. And by already, I mean ALL day.
NICU nurses...we don't do adults, we don't do people who talk back, and the only nurses who get excided about poop. We're "special."
If we didn't have humor at work, what would we have? Ulcers. We'd have ulcers.
Be nice to your nurse. She's the only heart your doctor has.
I go to work for the entertainment value. You never know what might happen next.
Nurses: We may not cook or clean, but we could save your life. That has to account for something.
Nurses take bets on Blood Gases like everyone else bets on Sporting events...
Cute enough to stop your heart, skilled enough to restart it.
Be positive, unless you're getting tested for covid.
Nurses, wearing masks before it was cool
References:
https://www.nursebuff.com/funniest-nursing-quotes-and-ecards/
https://www.nursebuff.com/funny-nursing-ecards/
https://www.nursebuff.com/funny-nursing-quotes-and-ecards/
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